YL - another spot on essay. I had to delete Instagram because I would just sit there and watch reels. The reels are not even from people I follow. It is just whatever I pause on the longest, they give me more of that type of content.

My reels would gravitate toward a mix of woodworking, fishing, sports, and boobs and butts. At one point I cleared my preferences so I would not get so many boobs, and that worked for a while, but I kept finding myself pausing on boobs and butts. It was like I couldn't help myself. So I deleted the App.

I miss it. I could probably do with some self-reflection on why. I think there is some way that seeing a beautiful woman feels like a reward. I know that is objectifying. It is better than ogling someone in real life? Maybe. On Instagram the people want to be seen.

The whole thing is messed up and I sort of compartmentaliize my real life relationships with women as people I respect and don't objectify versus my secret desire to objectify. It was all very complicated during High School because there were two types of young women I secretly objectified - the cheerleader types and those who rumors said were sexually active. Both seemed unattainable for me as a non-rich non-jock. Yet I had plenty of friend relationships and even dated young women who were not those types.

I can see now how immature that was. And yet I still have the urge to sit there and look at boobs and butts if no one is watching.

I think your essay is saying that the secretive part is a problem. That it becomes part of a pattern that leads to more secrets and eventually betrayals that cross the line in cheating. I get that. In the ideal world I would be completely transparent about what i like to look at. But I think I don't want to deal with the possible judgment.

Ideally for me we would all live in a world where non-monogamy is the norm and people flirted with each other regardless of gender and at the same time consent was the rule. People could develop a sort of sexual/social intelligence that would be the result of a lack of repression of sexual thoughts and impulses combined with a working familiarity with the nuances of respectful relationships.

Thanks for your essay and for your engagement with the topic of men.