Thanks for this perspective.

I resonate with the only fans subscribers in that I would like more connection in my life. I think I was taught early that romantic relationships are transactional. That I needed to be ready to pay for the movie ticket or hold the door. This is the weird thing - when I did something for a girl it gave me a feeling of connection. In the physical realm, I wanted to be the pleasure-giver. So I can see how tipping someone on OF would feel good. I haven't fell into that particular vice myself, but I can see parallels.

I feel like there is a whole world of people out there ready to prey on guys who compulsively want to give. I get wrong number scam texts every day. Before I knew it was a scam, I had a long back and forth with a scammer while I waited for a plane. Likewise, on social media I get followed daily by scammers with profile photos of beautiful women. They send me DMs. I don't engage either the texts or the DMs, but there is a weird thrill, even if the sender is a bot or catfisher on a farm in Russia. I could easily see developing a "relationship" with one of these contacts that involved me sending money to some cashapp or something, even as I continued to wonder if I was being scammed. It is like the guy who falls in love with a stripper and gives her money. They both know it is fake, but he does it anyway. It is fee for services.

I think transactional relationships are part of life. We pay for our barista to make us coffee. We pay for our garbage to be picked up. Transactional relationships are best applied in situations when you are dealing with strangers. With loved ones, I want unconditional relationships - these might involve mutual giving, but there isn't a psychological this-for-that.

I think I am susceptible to the scam because I grew up with that transactional thing. It is a false narrative that I am healing from.