Thanks for reading and responding. In terms of the personal level I agree about the like attracting like thing. Or maybe a version where people keep finding themselves with the same kind of people.

I think it might be possible that both scenarios can be operating at the same time, and even more. There might be toxic masculinity underlying a world where there are plenty of good men who exhibit few toxic traits. Or maybe toxic masculinity is a complete lie like you say.

When the me too hashtag came out I was surprised at how many women I knew used it and shared stories. It made me reconsider the “few bad apples” thinking. So this essay was an exploration of the idea that there is something up with masculinity. I think it is something of a continuum where some men have more and some men have fewer toxic traits. And there might be a pattern where some women find themselves ending up repeatedly with men who have more toxic traits .