Sometimes I feel like we are having a conversation and you anticipate my thoughts with a fully formed essay.

I have been thinking about your last two essays and topic of the male gaze. I had the thought that there is an appropriate way to meet a woman’s eyes when walking past. A quick glance that doesn’t linger or look at her body? A smile or head nod returned but not given first? I was congratulating myself for giving people their space. Then your essay caught me being too careful perhaps.

I have been to nude beaches and saunas where most people quickly get used to naked bodies. It happens pretty fast. So the ogling is not obligatory.

I have also lived in Honduras where it is standard for men to not only look for a long while but also make comments. The ogling there is part of an oppressive culture of male domination.

Who looks at whom and in what way seems like a good marker for power dynamics. I think about the Jim Crow American south (and today too?) where white folks could look at anyone they wanted to but Black folks were expected to avert their eyes.

When men and white folks and especially white men (like me) are raised in a culture of white/male supremacy, even if we are taught not to show it, then fetishization can creep in. Yuck. The paradigm of ownership is in direct opposition to human relationships.