Hi John, Thanks for reading and responding. I think you hit on the most questioned part of this essay. I thought I was being clever and noticing patriarchy entrenched in how we talk about relationships. But others have pointed out that it isn't so simple. Perhaps some of the patriarchy script is in the language even as women talk about "having their husbands" because the whole concept of marriage has been influenced by male-domination. Of course results may vary and talking about any group of people as a monolith is almost certain to lead to gross generalizations that don't fit for any one single person.

I think that is behind the "but, not all men" defense that people use when reading someone like Yael who is saying that men are this or that. That was certainly my initial response. My essay is about my experience of taking her at her word and examining men and masculinity for what we have in common. Even if the language thing is universal, it seems to reflect an ownership paradigm that fits with how patriarchy used to work and still functions in the minds of some men. I probably need a better example than those verbs because it keeps getting called out as shoddy logic.

Thanks again for reading and responding.