Hi Bennyb - Thanks for taking the time to read and respond. In one of your responses, you said the discussion needs to be had. I agree, and I delayed writing this essay because I felt inadequate to the task. Based on your responses, perhaps you think I was right about that.

Another commenter chided me for speaking on behalf of men, and I can see how that is an issue. It is hard to talk about any identity I hold because my own experience of being me is unique. So to extrapolate to all men is necessarily a stretch.

My essay grew out of the dissonance I felt between who I think I am and the version of masculinity that Yael has been interacting with over her last few years. I look around and none of my friends are obvious patriarchs, either. So how and why does Yael have such a difficult experience with men?

Two options. (1) It's her. Patriarchy is dead, but Yael is a writer who brings people out to criticize or proposition her. Her fault. (2) There is something real about men and patriarchy that is still going despite 100 years of feminism and women outperforming men in college and whatnot.

My idea was to entertain the idea that Yael is telling the truth and to try to explore what is happening to her. I think visible patriarchy might be less than 100 years ago, but there are entrenched patterns that get triggered when a woman like Yael speaks out.

Your criticism of owning verbs is valid - I think I was trying to make a point about how, despite the outward veneer of equal partnership, my experience of trying to find a girlfriend was infected by patriarchy. But, yeah, I HAVE a job and I HAVE a mom. I get it.

I am curious about Yael's observation that the men she interacts with seem to have a secret online life. I do. Even if it is writing shit on Medium.

Thanks again for reading.